How to calm yourself down when you feel anxious at work?

Photo credit: ROMAN ODINTSOV

We’ve all been there. You just finished an important presentation, and immediately after you say ‘thank you for listening’, your manager hurriedly goes out of the meeting room and gives you a brief look on their way in.

You feel your heart beating out of your chest. ‘What did I do wrong now?’ you think to yourself. ‘Was it so bad? Did I make a fool of myself?’, ‘Oh God, I’m going to lose my job’, and ‘Should I resign to save myself some embarrassment?’, and the train of thought goes on and on.

You spiral out of control, get into a jittery, super anxious state, and effectively cut yourself off from reality so that you can’t see or hear the entire meeting room clapping for you.

You ruminate over this all day, and towards the end of the day, you come to realize that the manager had to rush for a personal emergency, and it wasn’t even remotely related to you. You feel better and bad at the same time. You wish you hadn’t spent the entire day dreading the worst.

If this happens to you more frequently than you’d like to admit, keep reading.

Why is this happening to you? Anxiety. That’s why

Anxiety is an emotional label we apply to a particular set of physical reactions, like rapid breathing, increased heart rate, etc. The following are some of the things that can make you feel anxious, among other things:

Stress at work
An actual threatening situation
Cognition/disturbing thoughts
Physiological reaction
Troubling relationship dynamics
Reminders of past unpleasant behavior

These can instantly trigger your anxiety and cause a chain reaction of distressing thoughts and discomfort in your body, which can be a pretty lethal combination for your peace of mind. Your fight-or-flight system kicks in when that happens, and you don’t tend to make the best decisions. Anxiety isn’t inherently bad, though; it is designed to give us the energy to tell us there might be a threat.

But the problem is, sometimes it can get triggered even if there’s no real danger, and may not be based on accurate facts.

Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, says, “When a brain perceives a threat based on prior experience or a lack of experience since you never encountered such a situation, it’s going to trigger a feeling of anxiety. This happens because the brain doesn’t have sufficient data to make a wise judgment call. It stays cautious and makes you anxious to keep you safe.

It causes your body to pump adrenaline, heart rate increases, breathing rate increases, GI tract stalls, etc. These are reactions your body is preparing for in case you need to fight or flee. But we assume there must be a problem when we feel that way.”

So, in our previous example, instead of reminding you of the 50 times you gave the most riveting presentations you’ve given, your anxious mind is going to remind you of the one time you fumbled.

When you’re in that moment of uncertainty, you have two choices – you can continue to be overwhelmed and feel powerless, or you can try to take a slightly different approach and start being curious about why you feel this way, how you can get back to safety, and feel in control of your situation. With the former, your anxiety increases, and your adrenaline goes higher. In the latter approach, you realize you’re in a safe environment and figure out how you will handle it.

So, what can you do to feel safe when you’re anxious?

1. Mindfulness

Sounds corny and cliche? Stick with us for a second longer. Mindfulness is not just breathing in and looking around. It goes way deeper than that. Mindfulness encourages you to become aware of things happening in you and around you without letting anything get to you.

Notice what physical sensations trigger anxiety in you. If your blood sugar lowers and you get shaky, it’s easy to assume that you’re in a panic attack, and that’s a trigger for your anxiety. What thoughts trigger anxiety at work, generally? Name all the feelings you’re feeling at once. We rarely get one isolated feeling. If we’re angry, we get anxious. If we’re upset, we may get rageful.

When you pause for one second and ask yourself, “Let’s pause for one second, what’s going in you right now?”. Being mindful slowly starts rewiring the brain. This can be difficult because when we are provoked, we tend to talk harshly to ourselves. When you’re mindful, you realize that and break the vicious cycle.

You also think about what people or interpersonal relationship behaviors trigger anxiety in you. Sometimes, it can be the exact people who cause you to be anxious, or people who look like them, or in their role. When you slow down and become mindful, you’ll be able to differentiate if something is distressing or if it is triggering a reaction from the past.

Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, says, “As you become more aware of your triggers, you need to encourage yourself to open your mind and become aware of facts in the context".

2. Reducing stress sensitivity

Make your body resilient in general, so anxiety doesn’t get to you as easily as it does. Some basic things to follow regularly are catching up on your sleep and eating healthy meals. The reason we’re mentioning it here is because when you’re sleep deprived and you starve your system for long, even seemingly harmless situations could pop on your anxiety radar and make you hypervigilant.

When that happens, you tend to get caught in emotional reasoning, to confirm your feelings of anxiety.

3. Think about times you were safe

Consciously recalling moments of safety and security, you signal to your brain that you are not in immediate danger. This technique helps shift your nervous system from a fight-or-flight response to a calmer, more grounded state.

Think about a moment when you felt calm, protected, and secure. Maybe it was sitting with a loved one, being at home after a long day, or simply enjoying a quiet coffee break. Visualize it in detail: Where were you? What did it feel like? What sounds or scents were present? Let this memory remind you that just as you were safe then, you are safe now. Even if work is stressful, you are not in danger.

Anxiety often magnifies worst-case scenarios. Remind yourself of past challenges you've overcome. You've handled difficult tasks before, and you will again.

4. Choose your distress-tolerant tools

Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, says, “When you’re confronted with a stressful situation and you manually override your stress response, you use the distress-tolerant tools, then your brain calms down and explores if the situation requires you to go into a frenzy. Your brain also associates that formerly anxiety-provoking situation with low amounts of physiological distress.”

Telling yourself ‘I’ll get through this’
Breathing in slowly for 4 seconds, holding for 4 seconds, and exhaling for 4 seconds
Shaking off the unnerving feeling in your body – moving your body in sync with your heart rate
Guided imagery – Involves vividly imagining a peaceful setting, situation, or scenario to help shift your focus away
Splash cold water on your face

5. Write down what you’re thinking

Start by jotting down exactly what’s on your mind without judgment. Are you afraid of making a mistake in a presentation? Worried your boss is unhappy with your work? Concerned about an upcoming deadline? Simply putting these fears into words can reduce their emotional intensity. You might even notice patterns, repetitive worries, or exaggerated fears that can be addressed more logically.

6. Write down exceptions to what your anxiety is telling you – Has a similar situation gone well before?

Has a similar situation gone well before? Maybe you’ve led successful meetings in the past. Perhaps you’ve received positive feedback on your work. Have you ever worried about a deadline but ended up meeting it just fine? Listing these exceptions reminds you that your fears aren’t necessarily facts. Your brain might focus on worst-case scenarios, but reality often paints a different picture. Seeing proof that things have gone well before can help you feel more grounded and optimistic.

You don’t have to come up with long sentences. Just a few words describing your situation, and whatever comes in your flow will help.

7. Think about alternate explanations for the trigger

Consider alternative perspectives. Maybe your manager wants to discuss a new opportunity for you. Maybe they need clarification on a project. Maybe it’s something completely unrelated to you. Anxiety thrives on worst-case assumptions, but taking a step back and brainstorming other possibilities can break its grip.

A helpful technique is to ask yourself, What would I tell a friend in this situation? If a colleague thought their manager was upset with them based on a short email, you’d probably reassure them that there are plenty of other explanations. Try offering yourself the same perspective.