How to approach a colleague who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are topics that must be dealt with utmost sensitivity. When an individual is undergoing thoughts of self-harm, they are extremely vulnerable. Their emotions of hurt, anger, sadness, emptiness and hopelessness will be at an all-time high. And therefore we must support them in the ways they want us to. When an individual is suicidal, every single minute matters. Every single minute can have an impact on the overall situation and therefore we must act quickly without fail.

In this article, I am going to decode the do’s and don’ts of helping a colleague who is struggling with suicidal thoughts.

Dont’s:

Do not dismiss their feelings by labelling them as ‘dramatic’ or ‘attention seeking’.
Do not try to compare their trauma with anyone else. Trauma and suffering are two of the most personal things and nobody deserves to be generalised for their pain and trauma.
Do not try to induce guilt in them.
Do not try to lecture or moral police them for their behavior. Suicide is often the last option and if the individual has reached that point, it means that they have suffered a lot. Lecturing or moral policing frequently takes away the focus and further reinforces blaming the victim mentality.

Do’s:

Ask them what you can do for them. It is always better to ask for what individuals need instead of assuming their responses.
Be with them fully. Listen to them, and hug them if they are okay with it. Focus on creating a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear or judgment.
Connect with an emergency contact and let them know about the gravity of the situation.
Encourage them to seek professional support. Gently let them know that help is available. Multiple crisis helplines, individual counselling sessions and support groups can help the individual process their emotions in an effective manner. Gently let them know that they can reach out for help and assist them in whatever ways possible.

Key emotions to lead with

Empathy- The individual must be able to feel your support and not pity. The said individual is already experiencing shame, embarrassment and vulnerability. What they really need is a comforting figure who would stand tall with them and won’t judge them for their emotions and actions. Empathy is transformative and it has the power to unburden the individual.
Compassion: Compassion when felt, can facilitate growth and healing in the other person. Compassion is the ability to empathize with other peoples’ pain and suffering backed by a strong desire to help them. Compassion promotes a sense of deep connection with others and develops a long-lasting bond.
Kindness: Kindness is infectious. A simple act of kindness has the ability to change the other person’s life. When someone is suffering, kindness acts as a guiding light for them. Kindness exudes care, gentleness and respect for everyone. Ordinary things have the power to become extraordinary when looked at with kindness.

The role of a Mental Health Professional in mitigating harm

Support systems through the form of family, friends and co-workers are important and helpful. However, the individual might still need to seek professional help in order to deal effectively with their concerns. The way family and friends provide support is very different from the professional support an individual gets from a therapist.

The therapist focuses on decoding issues with utmost care, understanding why and how they have been impacting an individual’s life and mental health and slowly trying to learn coping mechanisms that will empower us to navigate these challenges. A therapist does not “solve” problems for an individual, but he makes sure that the individual is empowered enough to solve the problems by themselves. Therapy often strengthens an individual’s support systems and makes them more aware of their changing emotional landscape and the reasons behind it.

EAP services provided by the company can be a great start to explore these options. Oftentimes, individuals feel uncomfortable reaching out for help from an in-house service, and it is more common than you think.

Things to remember

Emotions, even though valid, are fleeting. It is advisable not to make any drastic decisions when one experiences heightened emotions. The best way to go about decision-making is to sleep over it and notice whether you feel the same after 24 hours.
You are valuable. Even when you feel low, hopeless and unworthy, you are irreplaceable and nobody can take that away from you. You are a unique human being with unique traits, aspirations and emotions. You are capable of making a difference in your life. Make sure you continue to remind yourself of that every single day.
You are not alone. Help is just a call away. The path may not be easy or the solution may not be instant, but with tiny steps, you can reach your desired goal. Remember that it’s never too late to ask for help.